I had my first strong "What have I done?!" day today. Not in a bad way, just in a very homesick kind of way. In the morning, Matt suggested we go to Stourhead since the weather was amazing and I suggested Longleat since it closes in a few weeks and I haven't been there before. The little gray cloud lingering over my head, though, kept telling me to crawl back into bed and cover my head with the duvet. If it had been a work day for Matt, that's probably what I would have done.
By the time I made the banana bread I'd obsessively woken up wanting to make (four over ripe bananas had been staring at me for several days), it was kind of too late to do the zoo or Stourhead so we actually ended up packing a bag of knitting, books, iPods and journals and driving not too far away to Stockbridge to shop a little bit with the idea of eventually finding a cafe to relax in for a bit. That never really came to fruition but it was still a nice day. Sure, I nearly burst into tears at Maison Blanc, a cafe in Winchester, but you'll have that. Part of me was yearning to sit in an American restaurant - not a cafe. In fact, we walked into a Costa and I had to admit I couldn't do Costa again and I love Costa. Thankfully, I could at least have a cold diet Coke at Maison Blanc. Finding a Cath Kidston shop wasn't too painful either and I picked up a really cute set of note cards. There's something about living here that makes me want to send out real mail. If you're interested in getting a little card from me and I don't already have your address - 'cause you lot are already going to get mail from me and a few of you already have something on the way - send it to me at sushichickATgmailDOTcom and eventually I'll send you a line or two. :)
Anyway, being out and about was probably better than sulking at home but, at the same time, it really reminded me how different things are here. My mood certainly perked up a little bit when we got back because once you've decided a place is home, it's home - even though I have days where even being here with all the boxes is overwhelming. Of course, baking cookies and opening a bottle of wine didn't hurt either. Yes, banana bread and cookies in one day. The looming PMS wasn't really doing me any favors.
I know it'll take awhile before days like this are non-existent. And I'm sure tomorrow will be much better. I'm really looking forward to Thursday, too, as fellow Raveler, Squiblet, has offered to meet up with me for some tea, wandering, knitting or whatever. I love my husband and the fact that we actually live in the same country now but it'll still be great to have a little girl time.
I had a post ready for today full of photos from our drive through the New Forest yesterday but my mood just didn't match and I want to "keep it real, yo." This blog is about learning to live in a new country, after all and it's not all days out exploring and fun - it's hard. I miss my friends and family. I could even really do with a Buddy hug right now, to tell you the truth (why does that, of all things I've thought about while writing this post, make tears well up in my eyes, for Pete's sake?). I miss the way things have always been and where and how I've lived for the past 35 years. It's almost like being at home some times - a nudge away - but also just not like home at all. I have to make myself deal with it, though, by being aware of it, talking about it, having an understanding husband and knowing that it won't hurt like this all the time.
And nothing beats a good night's sleep (and maybe one last glass of wine)....
