Jake and I have been talking about marriage.
No, no, not like that. We've just been talking about it - emailing really - as merely a topic of discussion.
I'm not typical. I think there might have been a time when I had little girl dreams of big weddings and white dresses but I can't remember for sure. I do have a purple folder where I, years ago, saved an unusual invitation and a small handful of creative snippets from magazines about place cards, cakes flowers and dresses (this was shortly after this wedding, I think, while I was still living with Nate and thinking a wedding was probably in my near future). My favorite piece features two flower girls in deep purple and bright pink tulle skirts, each wearing a silver paper tiara - like a princess ballerina.
Anyway. Jake doesn't really believe in marriage. In fact, his first was common law (which was acknowledged in the state he moved here from - we haven't had it in Ohio for at least fifteen years or more). Today he wrote, "Getting married doesn't mean much to me. Being married, on the other hand is huge." I responded with, "To me, getting married is part of being married. They just go hand in hand."
But why? It's got me thinking - what really is so important about exchanging vows and a piece of paper? It makes me doubt myself because it does seem a bit silly but...it's what I want. And, as I said, I'm not looking for a big wedding. Instead I want something small, outdoors - maybe even in my parents backyard. I want to be married by a friend (something interesting: I recently found out that my dad was ordained for a friend's wedding years ago - long, long before they ever did it on Friends) and walk down the "aisle" to something completely unexpected. I don't want a white dress with beads and a train - I want a simple summer dress and bare feet. I'd elope if I didn't know that my parents - who did elope and were married by the justice of the peace - would like me to have a wedding of some sorts. So it's not the wedding. It's not the glamor and the day that's all about me.
Standing up in front of my friends and family and making a commitment to someone means something. I want to be Mrs. So and So. I don't think I'm all that traditional but that's one tradition I can't do without.
Honestly, maybe the fact that common law marriage isn't recognized in the state of Ohio is one reason why I'm having trouble with the idea of not actually getting married. When you live in Ohio you have to get married to be married and it's been that way all of my adult life.
This isn't an argument or a hot topic by any means nor do I feel like I have to defend what I believe (especially since it's pretty much the norm) - like, I said, it just has me thinking. I'd love to hear other opinions.* What do you think? Are you traditional? Do you feel the need to Get Married and why or why not?
And now I should really wash off the face mask I've been wearing for the past two hours and get myself into bed....
*Elizabeth: I know we talked about this recently and I tried to find that string of emails because you said something I liked and wanted to quote but, unfortunately, no amount of gmail googling could bring it back up.
