Maybe I was getting too comfortable. Yesterday I found four good books at the library, started a scrapbook of Buddy for Mom and Dad, shelved Buddy's sweater for a bit to start a shawl and I even sat down last night and wrote a page and a half of something that wasn't an email or a blog entry. Giving up and settling in just a little bit further.
I didn't expect the phone to ring but there I was, walking Buddy, when I heard Glen Hansard singing "Falling Slowly" from my pocket. When I pulled it out, it was a 312 area code. A Chicago area code. Then there was a female voice with a British accent telling me that she was calling from the consulate, she had my settlement visa and would be issuing it by Friday. "When were you hoping to travel?" she asked and I answered, "Any time. I'm ready to leave any time."
I've been saying for weeks that I wasn't sure how I would finally react and when it actually happened I still wasn't sure how to react. I smiled, I think a tear or two welled up in my eyes but...it didn't seem real. It still doesn't seem real.
I think it'll sink in tomorrow. When I sit down and make a list of loose ends I've been dying to tie up, people to visit, airplane knitting yarn to buy for real this time....
Letting it sink in isn't all smiles and happiness, though. It's like I told Matt today when we were talking about homesickness and adjusting to life in a new country, "It's not being there that I'm worried about, it's not being here that worries me." I have lived in Ohio all of my life. The furthest I've lived from my parents' was an hour and a half. The thought of finally really leaving here is devastating - hello tears - and I know it's going to be so hard to get on that plane but when Matt finally gets to carry me over the that threshold, the life that I've been waiting 35 years for will finally get to start. For that I am so thankful.
So, if all goes well and my visa arrives when I hope it does, it looks like I'll be boarding a plane late next week and heading home. Finally.
