For the past few weeks going to work has done nothing but make me angry. I often use the word "cranky" but that's not it at all. I don't like being here. I can't describe what it is about it that makes me feel this way - there's been a lot to do recently and a lot of it has fallen on my shoulders, that's one reason. And my current mindset just isn't handling things well. I have to be ready to be asked to do several things by several people within a few minutes, decided what's more important, try to make everyone happy, smile, remember the four things that three people asked me to do while I was doing two things for one other person. I'm just tired. Everything annoys me.
But, on the other hand, I have a lot of freedom in my job. I can take off pretty much whenever I like, work well with most of the people in my office most of the time and, as of last year, I get three weeks of vacation and another week or so of personal time. So it's hard to leave.
I'm also having my second period this month which means a lot of this is hormonal. I'm not worried about having two periods (better than none at all), though - it's a stress thing, I think - but it's making me terribly emotional. I know I'm actually in a good mood most of the time but the crankiness, the anger and the fact that I'm often near tears really takes over and makes me think, "Gah, why would anyone want to spend any time with me? I'm always moody."
It's funny, really. My off hours are great. The depression completely disappears the minute I leave this place but while I'm here it almost has a physical presence. The way I feel during the day is close to what I felt like all the time before I broke down, talked to my doctor and started taking something for it.
Sigh. Temporary unhappiness and PMS is a bitch.
