The Cute, The Sad and The Mushy

First this - How utterly cool is it that Jake has Prince Damacy up on his mantle (I finished him ages ago but still need to take pictures)?  And how utterly cool is it that he just added the Happy Poo that I had crocheted for his Easter basket?  Uh, yeah, the Easter basket that I just gave him last week (note the date).  I made him one because I was making one for my parents and making Easter baskets makes me happy...but when it came down to it it just seemed too soon.  So I waited and waited...and when he couldn't find any chocolate in my cabinets one night last week I finally gave it to him.  It was really cute - I put everything, including the Happy Poo, in a pot (get it?) and used white shred.  I contemplated actually cutting toilet paper into shred but it just seemed like too much work.  So he got a Poo themed Easter basket.  Late.

Then this - I'm going through one of those stages where I just don't get women.  If you know me at all you love me...no wait, that wasn't what I was going to say...if you know me at all you know that I don't have very many female friends.  In fact, right now I have none.  I don't have a BFF to call up and say, "Jake made me cinnamon toast last night!" (if I actually explained what that meant you'd know that it's the kind of Cute that a woman likes to share) or "He met my parents yesterday!"  This usually only bothers me when I've just broken up with a girlfriend but I had something kind of sad happen recently that bothers me enough to post it.

I've lost another friend.  And this time I don't know why exactly. 

W. and I met at a Christmas party last year and, due to our single status, our love for all things Buffy and my dazzling extrovert personality, we quickly became friends.   We went out with the group quite a bit but also did things together.  It's been so long since I've met a girlfriend for dinner, shopping, happy hour or a movie that I was nearly swooning.  I had a friend!  And she was so like me!  I borrowed the entire Angel series from her and watched it in a month.  We talked about books.  I've never had a friend that had read Jane Eyre and wanted to talk about it!  What a thrill!

She met a guy an New Year's Eve and they really hit it off.  Great!  I'm not the jealous type at all.  He was leaving for Germany in a matter of months and didn't treat her the way she deserved to be treated but I was there to listen - only cursing him out a few times.  I think we talked a couple times after he left.  I had met Jake and things were going well.  The last time I saw her we were supposed to meet at a shi-shi bar downtown but she was late and arrived just as Jake and I were leaving to get dinner.  A few weeks later she invited me to see Rent (she gets free tickets through work and called me that day of) and I copped out at sort of the last minute due to an overwhelming wave of depression that came out of no where.  She chastised me and told me to throw on some clothes and get my ass downtown.  I left her a message after the play started explaining why I couldn't leave the house and that I hoped she wasn't mad, "Because I really like you."  I wasn't too worried - she'd called me that day of and had also said that I could drop out of something else came up (i.e. Jake) - but I really didn't want her to be angry with me.

She wasn't and I think we spoke on the phone once more after that.  She forwarded me a couple of job openings where she works which were appealing but not what I was really looking for.  I probably should have come right out and told her but I didn't and I now wonder if that had anything to do with it.   We texted a few times after that and I asked her to meet me for happy hour a couple times but was turned down each time.  The last time I communicated with her I sent her a text, "What are you doing after work?" to which I received a very simple, "Sleeping." 

And that was it. 

It's just sad.  I'm not a bad person.  I think I'm nice.  I think I'm giving and caring and fun - all things that make up a good friend.  But I can't hang on to one.   I just don't get it.

And I'm not writing about this looking for ego strokes or anything...I'm actually very happy right now and I know I'm a good person with a lot to offer a friend or a partner.  I also know there are a wonderful handful of people out there that I consider good friends that I've never even met and that really means the world to me.  There's just that void, you know?   That vaguely nagging void.  I miss that person to shop with on a Saturday night and gush about how great my boyfriend is while we sip coffee or have ice cream.  It's just something I'd like to have that never seems to work out for me. 

But I won't stop trying.  And I'll just enjoy what I have because all of it is really great. 

Comments

[Bertha]

I have the same problem. My whole life I've had an abundance of guy friends but very, very few female friends. I didn't have a female "best friend" until 7th grade and she turned out to be gay so does that even count? heh.

In high school I had my aforementioned (and still my current) best friend and 2 other female friends, and that's how it remains today (one of those female friends I broke up with for about 6 years, but we've just recently become friends again). I haven't made any new female friends since high school (10 years!) but have no problem making guy friends.

I tend to always get along with male co-workers and bosses and tend to despise female co-workers and bosses. Growing up I got along with my dad FAR better than my mother...my relationships with women have been so weird that I was seriously worried about having a daughter, but obviously I couldn't be happier about that now. I just hope our relationship doesn't get difficult when she hits puberty!

Now, internet women, I have no problem getting along with, go figure. hmm...

[Annie]

I'm sorry, that sucks!! Need to go through and catch up on your blog- how are you liking typepad?

Hang in there!!! Hugs to you!