I let my emotions and my general miserable-ness get a bit out of hand and everything boiled over when I - reluctantly - got home tonight. Big fight - blah blah blah. I really need to learn to say things when they bother me because, now that we've had it out, I feel much better.
That's pretty much all I'm going to say about it because I hate thinking about it so writing about it is out of the question.
Last week I decided I needed some kind of male interaction. Not dating because that would just be crazy - but some form of attention. Something to look forward to. So I signed up with a pen pal website. Seems safe, right? Right before I left to go camping with my parents last weekend I got another email from a guy named Matt in England.
We've corresponded four or five times a day ever since. I'm 100% smitten with this man and I think he's smitten, too, but what the hell? Why couldn't I just meet some yahoo who was fun to email, the end? No, I had to meet a guy who's cute, creative, family oriented, sweet as hell and only a couple years older than me. You know, pretty much exactly what I'd like to find here.
So not fair.
But it's been really good. They say some people come into your life for a reason and I think that's the case with Matt. He's what I need right now and I know I'm helping him in return. I realized today, though, that our loneliness might make us dangerously alike so I'm going to try to keep my emotions in check and the fantasies to a minimum. Oh yes, there have already been fantasies....
You know, honestly, I'm not even really sure why I'm posting about this. Sometimes, I guess, some things need to be said out loud. Or posted on the Internet. I don't know. I'm kind of an emotional wreck today and I feel like I really haven't made sense all day....
Comments